On Saturday night, Skye and Jordan went to the theatre for their date as planned. As they stood waiting in line to buy tickets, Skye spotted Seth ahead of them.

“Hey look, there’s that geek Seth,” Skye whispered to Jordan. “He looks so lonely. Bet he couldn’t find a date to go with him,” she sneered.

“He’s an okay guy, I wouldn’t say he’s that unsuccessful. Besides, there’s Beth,” Jordan said as Beth joined Seth in the line.

Skye glared at Beth’s back. “I told her if she was gonna date him to keep him away from me. And of all days, she chooses to go with him today. I’ve got a bone to pick with that bitch.” She strode up to Beth and announced in an accusatory voice, “What did I say? I told you not to bring this nerd near me!”

Beth stared at Skye in shock. “I-I totally forgot you had a date today!” she stuttered in fright. “Oh god, I’m so so sorry, we’ll go somewhere else!” she begged, tears starting from her eyes.

“Yeah, you better. Oh, and don’t bother coming to the party tomorrow. Consider yourself banned from my group.”

Beth froze, her face turning deathly white and her eyes widening. “Move, bitch!” Skye said, about to slap her out of her insensibility. Suddenly, a guy stepped in between them, blocking Skye from hitting the poor girl. He had curly brown hair and an infectious smile.

“Whoa, there’s no need for that,” he said. “She’ll just be on her way now, right?” He turned to Beth, gently pushing her toward the doors.

Seth wrapped his arm around Beth’s shoulders and led her away, smiling sadly in thanks.

“Wait, not you Seth,” the curly-haired guy said. Seth looked at him in confusion. “I need to talk to you for a moment.”

This was where Skye cut in. “Go away, Greg. Let this be a lesson for you, since you’re new and a niner.” She looked at him imperiously. “Nobody messes with me. They do, and they hear from me later, and it won’t be a friendly call.”

Greg looked around. “I think it’s too public here, how about we go find somewhere more private and continue our discussion there?” He smiled his infectious smile and guided Seth and Skye outside.

“Don’t touch me, niner!” Skye said, pushing his arm away. When she looked up, she saw Seth gaping at something ahead of them. “What are you gaping at,” she asked, irritated.

He slowly raised a shaking hand and pointed. Skye turned to look, and then stared in stunned silence. What greeted her gaze was not the busy street outside the theatre in Skye’s hometown, Asinowa. Instead, she saw a thickly-forested valley below her, which melted into a vast plain filled with rolling hills that stretched as far as the distant horizon. The sky was, oddly, a delicate lilac hue.

“Welcome to Rakiru, my home,” a deep, soft voice said beside Skye.

Skye was waiting outside for her friends after school, texting, when she saw the varsity football quarterback walk up to her. “Hey Skye,” he drawled. He was tall, with short-cropped hair, and he emanated confidence.

“Why, hello-o Jordan,” she drawled back, snapping her phone shut. “Now what could ever tear you away from football practice on such a beautiful Tuesday afternoon – or any Tuesday afternoon?” It was true – Jordan could always be found on the football field any day before or after school. He was the most dedicated member of the team, and it was due to this that he was the best and, naturally, chosen to be the varsity quarterback despite being in grade ten.

“Well, I was thinking maybe you’d like to watch a movie with me sometime. I’m sure it’s a perfectly good excuse to be late for practice,” he answered with a straight face.

Skye grinned. “You bet. But we probably won’t be able to go until after football season,” she teased. “I couldn’t possibly distract you now, while you’re preparing for the victory at the finals.” Jordan laughed. It was currently only a dream, but he hoped that they would be ready that year to take on all the other teams.

“Actually, I’m free this Saturday,” he said. “I was thinking you might like to watch The Pyschologist.” The Pyschologist was the latest movie directed by the famed Damian Smith, scheduled to be released that Thursday. Skye had seen the trailer, and it looked intriguing. She agreed enthusiastically.

Just then, Skye’s friends appeared, ready to leave. “Jordan! Why aren’t you at practice?” Alice asked. The other girls nodded in agreement. They had hardly seen a day when Jordan was not on the field.
“He just wanted to know if I could go to the movies with him is all,” Skye said, looking pointedly at Alice, as if she were about to protest. She turned to smile at Jordan. “We’re going to see The Psychologist on Saturday.”

“That’s great!” one girl exclaimed. “It’s bound to be a good movie.”

“Anything by Damian Smith is awesome,” Jordan said. “But girls, I gotta go to practice. So, I’ll see you Saturday, right Skye?”

“You bet,” Skye replied, as Jordan turned to go.

As the Vanderveer’s chauffeur drove the group of girls back to the Vanderveer mansion, Alice confronted Skye. “Why did you do that, Skye?” she asked, a bit upset.

“Do what?” Skye answered, in an off-hand manner. She was pretty sure what Alice was trying to get at, but decided to act dumb instead, just to add a little more satisfaction when Alice would be forced to suck up to her rather than get kicked out of the exclusive clique. None of the girls wanted to get on Skye’s bad side; they knew she would have her revenge.

“Why’d you hook up with Jordan?”

“I didn’t hook up with Jordan. We’re just going on a date,” Skye said.

“Yeah, same thing. You know I like him.” Alice was definitely upset.

“So?”

“So I thought..”

Skye looked at her and slowly raised an eyebrow, which quickly shut Alice up. “Never mind,” the defeated girl muttered, looking away. Skye smirked.

When I mentioned desiring a monitor, I wasn’t particularly serious about it. Sure, it’d be great to have a big, shiny, new screen, but it was unlikely to happen, and I was quite satisfied with my laptop. But lo and behold, Saturday my parents came home with a HUGE, shiny, new screen. Not an adequate, simple monitor that was perhaps a few inches larger than my laptop screen (17″), but a 24″ HD Samsung monitor.

Man, I’m so spoiled.

I was planning on using the docking station that was lying around in disuse since I inherited my dad’s laptop, and stealing the old keyboard to use, but I didn’t take into account the possibility that neither the docking station nor my laptop had a PS/2 port. This was quickly solved by a quick stop at Staples for a wireless keyboard and mouse. I quite like them, although unfortunately it’s a Microsoft product, and geared towards ease of use in Windows 7. No matter, it works absolutely fine, and much more convenient than that hulking keyboard in the bin of technological equipment. Means less wires snaking across my desk, especially since I tend to build up a big mess.

—————

All in all, things are going fairly well. School is still an insufferable itch in the back of my head, but it hasn’t been too bad lately. Changing yet again my sites’ purposes, this one being my personal site and Siliren hopefully being a (mostly) GIMP tutorial site. Downloaded vim+cream, it’s pretty good, I’ll have to get used to the interface. Very advanced, much more than Kate, so I’ll have to learn to work with it. I think it’s for hardcore programmers, not simple, amateur web designers like me. But hey, if my brother recommends it, it’s probably something he thinks I can use, right?

I don’t know if any other fifteen-year-old is dealing with as much stress I am, but it’s still more stress than I’d prefer to have. I’m not here to say I’m this, this, and that, or better or smarter than any other kid my age. I just simply feel that I might be dealing with a bit more stress than most do.

During the process of moving, my parents have talked of many things I’d never before thought of. Even now things have not been fully settled, and it’s been a year. My brother is already at university, far enough that visits are few and far between. Things my parents tell me, things I overhear, things I just mull over and piece together, it’s just gradually building up. Often now, I worry over things I don’t need to worry about yet. But sometimes it feels as if what I do now can severely impact what I can do later.

Also, peer pressure, pressure from society, pressure inside and out, it weighs heavily on me. They all say, just do your best, and that there shouldn’t be competition except against yourself. Hell do I wish it were so. But it’s not true and I shouldn’t deny it: I certainly do sometimes struggle to beat the person beside me, and if that person beats me, I find it hard to ignore. Recently this has built up so much that I have broken down more than once, because I felt like a failure. (Think Asian stereotype of school performance, and you might understand a little better) It’s tough. It really is, when your classmates are telling and expecting you, as an Asian, as a Chinese, to be super-ultra-smart, when society is, when it seems like your parents do to. And when you don’t want to let everyone down because you couldn’t live up to your brother’s success and amazing achievements.

Add to that what I previously mentioned. Stress and worry of the future and consequences it may bring if you make a mistake now.

It’s not that I’m suddenly failing school. Not at all. I’m still getting 80s and 90s in all my classes, despite the feeling that I’m not. For many, even getting 80s are good enough, but somehow for me, it isn’t. I’ve always been told I have potential, and sure, I do. My only worry now is if it ever blooms. I don’t really try as hard as I could, to be honest, and that doesn’t really help, because I feel kind of bad, if you know what I mean.

—

So, last night I couldn’t fall asleep very easily. I was and still am dreading the rest of the week. I don’t know how I’ve survived the past month and a half of school, because it feels like a neverending wave. Week after week after week, not one goes by without a test or quiz of some sort. Only having one in an entire week would be a fruitless wish.

I feel so hopelessly alone. It’s spiralled down to the point where there is only one person I feel I can fully confide in and dump all my worry on. I honestly have no real friends here, I mean, sure, I’ve made acquaintances, but none that are very close. I never really did, to be honest. Mostly I’ve depended solely on myself and something that keeps me going, no matter how much I wish I could end it all right now.

I’m so isolated here that I was incredibly surprised how much I enjoyed my relatives’ visit during Thanksgiving, especially my cousin. I’ve never been particularly close to my cousins, being as the age difference is rather large, but I discovered that my cousin and I had quite a lot more in common than we thought, and I thoroughly enjoyed talking with him.

Not to mention outside of school, the only people I interact with are my parents, and usually that’s not been very much since I stay cooped up in my room in front of the computer wasting time away.

—

Some people don’t know I’m dealing with this stress, and I guess I can’t blame them. Others do, and some of those do help me and I’m grateful. But some don’t, even though they know full well what I’m going through – hell, I’ve told them. It just doesn’t seem to occur to them that I need a little help here, rather than the I-don’t-give-a-fuck-now-will-you-listen-to-what-I’m-saying-about-this-awesome-movie attitude.

I want people to walk away from me with a new thought. I want them to walk away with a realisation and understanding of something. I want them to learn something new, or re-learn something in a different way. I want them to think in a perspective they’ve never thought in before. I can’t always do it for myself, but maybe I can do it for others. To help them see what they are doing right and wrong, and why it is the way it is. To see life in an entirely new way, to understand why I do what I do and feel what I feel, and use that knowledge to make future decisions involving others.

The world is so disappointing. So are people, while we’re at it.

I keep trying, again and again, honestly I try too much, because nothing and no one will change, in my experience. It’s all a lie.

This is not necessarily in order, just in order of when I remembered them :P

1. Attend a Within Temptation concert (and meet them if possible!)
2. See the Northern Lights, maybe visit somewhere up North like Nunavut.
3. Move back to Canada when I grow up.
4. Learn and become fluent in several languages (getting there with French)
5. Learn to play by ear and compose awesomesauce music.
6. Learn stuffs to be a web developer.
7. Start a band and learn to play drums, bass, or guitar.
8. Write a story.

I have two blogs now (A) Well this is just gonna be random about my life kind of stuff?

Mist lay thickly over the hard earth of the barren land. It was heavy, smothering everything like a woolen blanket. The sun did not shine, for clouds, unseen, hovered overhead. No bird, no tree, not a creature was in sight.

Then a figure appeared, wandering listlessly through the fog in the distance. Its steps were hesitant, as if it was not sure it would find solid ground under its feet. Slowly, it made its way closer, circling often like it had no sense of direction. It drew near, and, upon closer inspection, the figure could be discerned as a thin, frail young girl, with her eyes bound by a cloth. The cloth looked to be the hem of the girl’s dress, now covered by dried blood, indicating a recent injury. Otherwise, she looked unharmed, though bony, due t many days of starvation.

She made no sound, nor did she seem to have a destination in mind, though in this desolate land, all destinations would be the same. Her coming was a mystery, for there was nothing else to be found in this vast, unending stretch, void of all other life.